Dear Mr Parking-Ticket-Man

Let me tell you a story...

First day of school today and after class I stopped to talk to a professor I hadn't seen in a very long time. We chatted, hugged and danced a little about my impending graduation. After the little ditty, I walked out to my car and noticed as I squinted a parking patrol jeep hanging out by my car. I put two and two together and realized my meter probably expired two minutes before I walked outside. I began to jog and yell swear words, ran in front of cars that I clearly did not have the right-of-way with and a bumpin' backpack on my back. I get to my car and the parking man walked out of his jeep to put my ticket on my car.

"SERIOUSLY sir?" said me
"Yea, sorry. There is nothing I can do about it now" as he shows me his computer and hands me the ticket.
"There is NOTHING you can do about it now?" I said.
"Nope, nothing."
"I am not taking that ticket, parking man." I said sternly with crossed arms.
Well ma'am, It was literally seconds. You can take it to court if you want." said Mr Parking Man shying away from eye contact.
"How do you sleep at night?" I asked.
"There is nothing I can do about it......"
"FINE, thanks. Have a very slendid, awesometastic, parking-ticket and bank-robbing day!" I said very loudly.
"You too, ma'am." whispered the Parking Man.

So, I was pretty pissed. I called my mom to rant and shake and yell a little. I guess I will just suck up the stupid ticket and pay it.

My real reason for writing this blog, though, is to apologize to that parking man. I was pretty rude and annoying, he was just doing his job. My meter did run out. He probably gets yelled at a lot.

Mr. Parking-Ticket-Man, I am sorry.

give me back my broken parts

sinus infections are the terrible. i feel physically fine, but my head feels like a helium balloon ready to take me to the stars. ill make it - advil and sudafed are my friends. gatorade too!

three weeks turned into two, a night of cold bitter wind and tears. a night of sleeping so soundly because i knew, just knew, i was safe. lucky is a good word to describe it - excited, thrilled and loved.

one moment im rocking a sweet round bellied boy to sleep by the sounds of jack johnson and the next moment i have to pull curtains, talk to security and turn lights off. a crazy biological parent cracked out on drugs wants to see that belly.... shes allowed up, acts like she has meth in her veins and there he went... cried the entire time. my heart sank. my eyes teared up. my mind sped through thoughts that i do not take back. anger built up. i layed motionless in bed that night.

goodnight moon.

I love winter's coat

They say the home is where the heart is. I guess I haven't found my home.

Stuck in time, where I'm only surrounded by my own thoughts. But sometimes I don't mind my thoughts - they surprise me. School is a whirlwind, but its going well. Are we there yet? No.

Comforters are nice; a snuggle fest of warmth and a wet nose once in awhile.

Girl in class - asked me why people don't like her, why she gets ridiculed and laughed at... lump formed in my throat. I explained to her the thoughts I had in my head. She listened, nodded and thanked. I wanted to scoop her up and give her the biggest hug I had in my back pocket. Three weeks later and all that girl does is laugh and speak in a vocabulary a 90 year old British man would use, but shes appreciated. And you can tell. She reeks of happiness. I love change.. good change.

Sometimes I mask my feelings with a cold brick wall and don't let anyone, not anyone break it down. I guess it may be a downfall I have, or an advantage. Three weeks build it up, its huge already. Just wait, I see that one face at the end and the wall is gone. Feelings surface. Suppressed emotions flow. I once again will be raw.

Now, I will collect hugs and stick them in my back pocket. Hand them out when needed. Just ask.

All Brand New and Sparkly

Its been awhile, and since I read everyone elses blogs, might as well update mine as well.

Started working at Childrens Hostpital here in Milwaukee, and what an experience I am receiving. I was working on a all infant floor and recently got transferred to the brand new tower with all brand new things and... brand new diagnoses. I think my jaw dropped for a good 30 seconds when I saw "big" kids come rolling in and placed in their new rooms. I was in awe that they could talk to me, tell me what hurts, and actually had reactions and feelings and opinions, something I was not used to on an all infant floor.

Other than working a whole crap load, trying to keep my head above water in nursing school and trying to mediate a once thriving social life to a more "get-me-out-of-this-house" social life, things are good.

11.4

Obama had a special on tonight - sent shivers up and down my spine. Goose bumps arose from my skin, hair stood up on end. Looked to my right and my mom was fighting tears. He is truly a hero. This nation would be in such good hands if Barack were to be president.

I could talk about Mccain/Palin till I am blue in the face with disgust. But that will get me no where. What this nation needs is change and I don't think anyone else can do it better than Obama.

I remember serving a large amount of folks from Iowa who were brought in town to look at a local plant where they were now employed. The plant that they were employed at closed down - and sent families into bankruptcy and debt. I looked around the dining room that day and say a woman bobbing her young son on her knee, a couple looking close to retirement, and a young boy fresh out of high school. All of these people had to relocate and start new lives because of the plant being closed down.

My heart beat hard that day.

Me now, recently lost my job and thus cannot make bills. Taking out more student loans just so I can afford my education that are slowing growing enough interest that when I do graduate with a potentially high paying career, I wont be able to move out and pay rent because my loan repayment will be so large.

My friends that I work(ed) with that don't have health insurance through work and cant afford private insurance... they get sick. One man got an infection in his jaw which grew to the size of a baseball and had me sit there and tell him that he needed to go to the doctor - then the flush of tears he produced because he couldn't afford it.

My father - working so hard for everything he has and for his family... pushing his retirement back because of the economy and the possibility that he wont be able to pay the mortgage after retirement.

I was wrong.
My heart beats hard everyday.

Go Obama. Go Vote. Its in our hands.

Take your crab legs.. and shove it.

When someone says they got fired from their job, an immediate response that comes to my mind is "Well, what did you do?". But in some events, its not the employees fault. Its the ass-backwards management. The management that thinks they can run a restaurant but go into debt because they are idiots. The management that hires a 22 year old with no degree or experience at all to run a high volume seasonal restaurant who happens to be the owners future sister-in-law, who values her butt ugly cowboy boots and skinny jeans, her endless amounts of botox in her lips, and.. well, pretty much nothing else. I mean, when you are going to fire someone that really did nothing wrong, but still you think they did.. and this employee has worked for this certain company for around 2 years now, has NEVER gotten in trouble and maybe called in twice and has pretty much bent over and took it in the ass for the length of their employment - how about a nice slap on the hand and a stern "don't do it again"... but no, I get a phone call from those fucking botox lips saying that I did something so very wrong that they are going to "have to let me go"... and then the owner telling me that he is "running a fucking circus" and "it was nice to know you, goodbye. click."

Kick in the dick? er.. vagina?

Blessing in disguise. I will now try my hardest to find a job where I can be happy, and still pay my bills. Gee.. is there really something like that out there? Who the fuck knows.

Nows Good

A recent spark reminded me of this thought releasing page.
I spose I will update.

School is a royal kick in the pants. Recent graduates have told me that the amount of work I am about to get myself into is extreme. And believe me, I have noticed. I know that the average college student will bitch and moan about the amount of course work they have, but let me put this in perspective for you. I have a whole semesters worth of material learned in 9 weeks. I have three semesters (tri-mesters) per year. Essentially, when I graduate I will have a whole years worth more credits than a normal semester school. Woo Hoo ? Hopefully....

I have noticed something lately. When I have something and enjoy it, absolutely nothing wrong with it... I want a different something. I thrive off change. Might it be my hair color, worthless material objects or the beer I'm drinking. I don't want something higher grade or worth more... I just want different. Just when I feel like I'm satisfied... I want different.

So in light of wanting different, I'm itching to get out of this city for a bit. The normalcy I have fallen into is eating away at me like frost bite on an alcoholic in the middle of winter.

That is all.